Underling,
You are learning quite well. I can
tell that you are pleased with the success that the song “Cough Syrup” by the
band Young The Giant has had on your boy. Getting the lyrics stuck in his head
was a tremendous idea. This song is one of the absolute best to help us guide
your little meal the way we may want him to go. As the smooth melody puts him
in a peaceful state, he does not realize the affects that the words have had on
his life. The singer specifically says, “Life’s too short to even care at all,”
leading the boy to believe that the world truly means nothing. The term that
the humans would probably use is “nihilism.” After your boy holds a good sense
of nihilism, he won’t be able to help but commit suicide. The lyrics even go on
to say, “One more spoon of cough syrup now.” In fact, this may be the best
direction to take with your boy as it shall prove difficult to sway him from
his strong faith in our enemy. It might be better to have him give up on
everything he has ever believed in and instill doubt in his friends and family
around him. Just, be sure to keep him from dying until he loses all of the
faith that he has ever had.
Though this song has been
beneficial to you now, do not be mistaken to think that you are the first to
use music towards the Great Lord’s purpose. It is true that most music was a
gift given to man by our enemy in order to worship him, but ever since the first
ancient drum beats; our father has had his hand in music, improving it. We have
been able to use the grossly heavenly sound in much the same way that we have
been able to use the human’s interpretations of their mental disease called
love.
One magnificent way that we have
found to manipulate music is by forming it into an idol. By means of Lady Gaga,
Katy Perry, and other such popular artists, the Great One is able to influence
man to worship the music itself with their bodies and their souls in order to
distract them from worshipping the one who has created them. Music has also
become a gateway for us to spread our gospel of further sins. We can introduce
lust, profanities, adultery, and other ways to corrupt humans, both physically
and mentally, through bad lyrics and dancing girls. My personal favorite current
song would probably have to be “The Lazy Song” by Bruno Mars. If a person is
truly too lazy to do anything then he cannot be working against us. It also
fits quite well with my motto: “Keep ‘em lazy when you can and overstressed
when you can’t.” I would also like to suggest the use of “American Trash” by
Innerpartysystem to help lead your boy. In this song, the horrific human bodily
temple built by the enemy to worship him is described as nothing better than
garbage. This will clearly influence your boy to become nonchalant towards at
least his physical self, perhaps mental too, and what happens to it.
Sadly, I must leave you with a
warning. As I said, our enemy has gifted man with song in order to worship him.
He can also use music to his advantage. It is important that you teach your boy
to believe that all songs that the other side uses are either cheesy and
heartless or traditional and boring. The Christians’, I spit at the name, radio
station will be great for you in your attempt at this. Help your boy to believe
that all those people want is money. Make it so that every time he turns on
their radio station, which should not be too frequent, he hears petitions to
relieve him of his cash. Also, in secular music, be careful as to what you
allow your boy to hear. Make sure to keep him from hearing songs that will help
him to think or to question your lead. As you listen to seemingly safe artists
such as Lil Wayne, Eminem, and the Black-Eyed Peas, be careful that he doesn’t
hear, or at least understand the meaning of, “How to love,” “I Need A Doctor,”
and “Where is the Love?” These songs may lure him back into the mental trap
that our beastly enemy has left in the mindsets of humanity. A total intoxication
of the disease deemed love would most-likely point our poor livestock towards
our enemy, or give him the realization that he, along with the rest of the
world, is sick and in dire need of a doctor, our enemy has been known to show
himself as a healer or surgeon.
Otherwise, keep up
the fine work and make sure your boy is never led astray from our master.
Your
notorious mentor,
Sloth
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